Bernd

Bernd, Bernd, born in 1971, gay, positive since 2017

I've fulfilled a dream: I wanted to travel around the world since I was a child.  And then all of a sudden it became very possible, over my 45th birthday I fulfilled this dream of my life.  A great experience.

 But I came back sick: I had actually caught this virus as a "souvenir".  Careless and forgot to put the condom in the pocket.  Still wanted to.  Dumb.  avoidable.

 But I felt so invulnerable, so invincible, in this, my special year.

 I got the result from the test in the pub on Friday evenings.  A weekend at home alone, no doctor, no health department, no advice center to ask.  My best friend called randomly and she realized after just a few sentences that something was wrong with me.  And that's when my exploratory spirit awoke.  As a scientist, I just sat down and did my own research.

 And I found out very quickly: hey, you now have this virus in you for the rest of my life, but medical research has come a long way.  I can live almost normally.  I can laugh, dance, party with colleagues, eat from the same bowl with friends, I can love even without a condom, I could even father children if I wanted to without having them carry the virus along their journey through life.

 In the coming week, the visits to the Aidshilfe Dresden, the health department and a “specialist doctor” were scheduled.  Gather information, get advice, start treatment.  And I was really well received everywhere.  And what was nice: nobody asked me the “question”.  This vulnerable point, how did I catch the virus.  No reproach, no embarrassment.  Just friendly people who wanted to do the best with me and for me.

When I started my treatment, it was less than two months before the virus was no longer detectable in my blood, the concentration has been so low since then.

 Since then I am no longer contagious.  I have no side effects at all, and taking the pill is like my little “dessert” for breakfast.

 It only plays a minor role in my life.  Even with the knowledge of the virus, I have made new friends and a new love is blooming right now.

 If there is something that my infection has done to me: I have an increased desire for life.  I see a lot of things more “positively”.

 I don't want to be trapped in false feelings anymore.  I am often more direct in my words and actions than I used to be.

 I still want to laugh a lot, love and dance around the world in 80 dances.